Have you ever questioned the sanity of your decision to bear children? I certainly have. Some of my most humiliating moments have been experienced at the hands of my children, including two recent events at church (occuring on Easter Sunday, no less!).
In order to properly relate this tawdry tale, I must take you back in time to March 28, an unusual snowy Saturday in Oklahoma. I had a brunch for my friends on that day and the intrepid souls who bothered to show up deserved a little alcohol, in my opinion. So, I mixed up a batch of mimosas, one of my favorite brunchy drinks. Dwayne and Jared had long since packed up and headed for Tulsa for a little "guy time," leaving Jade and I to the party, which was unanimously female.
Since Jade is more fond of apple juice than orange juice, I decided to add the champagne into the orange juice in my pretty glass pitcher. Needless to say, there were leftovers, and when Jared (who is quite fond of orange juice) arrived home, he saw the pitcher and started to pour himself a glass. I said, "You won't like that orange juice because it has alcohol in it." He backed away from the pitcher and moved on to bigger and better things, like the leftover Gooey Butter Cake.
Fast-forward to Easter Weekend, which was a flurry of activity for the Henderson family. On Good Friday, after spending most of the day manning the nacho station at Jared's school's 4th Grade Graduation Bake Sale, I headed for home, only to load up in the car with my family and drive for four straight hours to Kansas City, MO, where we attended the wedding of two of Dwayne's longtime school friends.
Prior to the trip, I had received my "monthly bill," if you know what I mean.
After the wedding on Saturday, we once again loaded up in the car, headed for home, as we wanted to attend Easter Sunday Services at our church. Dwayne's family and mine were also coming over to eat Easter Supper. About two hours into the trip, the kids started getting hungry and family-wide, we needed a bathroom break. A McDonald's near Nevada, MO seemed appropriate for both of these activities, so we stopped. Dwayne took Jared to the men's room, and Jade and I entered the ladie's room.
Jade used the potty first, and then I followed. Since she's still fairly new to the Potty Brigade, Jade still likes to flush the toilet. So, I let her. However, before doing so, she noted that there was, indeed, blood in the stool and promptly asked me if my "hiney" was bleeding.
Gee whiz...how to answer that question? At the tender age of four, this precious one cannot possibly understand the nuances of menstruation, nor could I break it to her that this would, in fact, happen to her in a few more years. So, I said, "Yes, Jade, Mommy's hiney is bleeding just a little, but it is OK. Mommy is fine. This happens to Mommy every once in a while and when you are bigger, I will tell you all about it."
To which she responded, "Oh, Mommy, bless your heart."
Out of the mouths of babes...
Easter Morning greeted us with torrential downpours, but undeterred, we went to church. The Church Life Committee had been up half the night making a brunch for the congregation, to be followed by a church-wide Easter service combining both the contemporary and traditional services.
Since Jade was dressed up in her cute Easter finery, I decided to sit with some of the older ladies of our church, because they love Jade and I thought they would get a kick out of her and her grown-up talk. As conversations with older people tend to go, discussion eventually moved to everyone's physical aches, pains, and ailments. To which my daughter decided to chime in, "My Mommy's hiney is bleeding."
Oh, Holy Lord...please let their hearing aids go on the fritz for a moment, as I put my finger over my lips, willing her with every fiber of my being to shut up. If the other people heard, they let the moment pass without comment thankfully for me, but I was mortified. In that moment, I decided that I will NEVER go into a bathroom with her again, or at the very least I will get my own stall.
Shortly after the brunch was over, my dear friend Susan Kotoff came up to me and said, "You'll never guess what Jared asked me when I was pouring him some orange juice." I smiled and said, "What?" She replied, "He wanted to know if the orange juice had alcohol in it." Fabulous! Now one of my church friends thinks I am a lush who regularly drinks alcohol in my orange juice.
And after this Easter Sunday episode, I just might start.
Tonight, before Jared went to bed, he handed me a homemade Mother's Day card. Inside, he had drawn a picture of our entire family, wearing OSU shirts, smiling and holding hands. Underneath, he had written: "Dear Mom (Angela): Happy Mother's Day. I hope you have a good one. We love you. Love, Jared, Dad (Dwayne) and Jade."
Apparently, he thinks his father has forgotten.
Then, he wrote the sweetest free-form poem about me. Here it is:
Mom
Smart Cool
Cooking Helping Working
Wife Daughter Aunt CASA
Shining Dreaming Sleeping
Generous Faithful
Angela
Of course, this made me tear up, because I think sometimes I am way too hard on him. I want so much for him and I often wonder if he thinks I am off my rocker. Am I the meanest mother in the world?
I have no idea what his father has up his sleeve for Mother's Day, but as far as I am concerned, this original poem is gift enough. I will treasure it as long as I live.
And, Jared, here is my free-form poem about you:
Jared
Ten Adorable
Intelligent Eloquent Unique
Son Grandson Cousin Nearly a Fifth-Grader
Growing Creating Learning
Kind Perceptive
Always My Baby
I love you, Son. It is an honor to be your mother.
When Dwayne and I bought our home in early 2002, it had that bland "spec home" look. You know what I mean: all the walls the same neutral color, all the windows dressed in the same blinds. For us, that meant peachy-taupe walls with cream-colored trim and crown moulding and linen-look fabric silhouette blinds on all the windows. No curtains at all.
The "bones" of the home were good, and I knew I could easily infuse it with color, so we moved forward with our purchase.
One of the first rooms to receive a color-lift was the master bedroom. I selected a very muted Wedgwood blue paint in a shell finish. For the accent color (dark brown), we replaced our bedroom suit - which included a variety of hand-me-down, mismatched pieces with a new mahogany king-sized four-poster bed and side dressers.
Once the paint was on the wall, I realized that I was on the right track. The color was cool, soothing and best of all, made the room feel both masculine and feminine at the same time, a trick I had yet to master in my earlier decorating efforts.
In order to maintain the "feel," I decided that all of the furnishings and decor had to exactly match the Wedgwood blue or the mahogany brown. I would use fabric textures and patterns to create drama and interest. This was not as easy to accomplish as I thought. I began losing hope that I would ever find ready-to-purchase furnishings in my color scheme, and I had already resigned myself to the fact that I was going to have to custom-order some items.
Then, one Saturday earlier this year, I stopped by one of my favorite haunts, T.J. Maxx, where I found the above-pictured blue tufted velvet slipper chair. As I turned the corner in the linen department, I saw it up against the back wall with a brown fur throw across the back. Just as I was checking out its lines, a woman with an armload of light-blue linens came towards the chair with her shopping buddy and they began admiring it. I had to think fast. I said, "Ladies, I've already purchased this chair. I'm just waiting on a salesperson to come get it and take it to the front for me." She shrugged and moved on. Whew!
What's so great about this chair? Well, aside from the fact that it is Wedgwood blue and has dark mahogany turned legs on casters no less, the fabric is a sumptuous velvet and is tufted. And, it is completely comfortable. It is my new favorite place to drink tea, read a book, put on my shoes, and in the morning, to eat my cereal and watch "The Today Show." Again, easy on the eye and totally comfortable.
And, it cost $159.99. Can you say bargain?
