Have I gotten your attention yet? Yes, I said GOOEY BUTTER CAKE. It is decadent. It is delicious. There are two sticks of butter in the recipe. This is not diet food. How many calories does it have? Who the hell cares? It's that good.
I got this recipe from Paula Dean, but I will tell you that my own dear, departed mother used to make these bars when I was a child. I wanted to eat the whole pan and tried a couple of times with disastrous results. You, too, can enjoy this tasty concoction.
Assemble the following items on your counter: 1 18.25 ounce box of yellow cake mix, 3 eggs, 2 sticks of butter (told you so!), 1 8-ounce package of cream cheese (softened), 1 teaspoon vanilla extract, and 1 16-ounce box of confectioner's sugar, and a spray can of Pam.
Now, get out a 9 x 13-inch Pyrex pan. Spray it with Pam. Preheat your oven to 350 degrees. Open the cake mix. Dump it in a bowl. Melt one stick of the butter in the microwave. Add one egg and mix with cake mix. Add the butter and continue mixing until well-blended. Pat this mixture evenly into the bottom of the sprayed Pyrex pan with your fingers and set aside.
Meanwhile, put the softened cream cheese into the bowl of a stand mixer. Cream well. Add the other two eggs and the teaspoon of vanilla and mix. Scrape down the sides if you need to. Dump in the whole box of confectioner's sugar and mix until smooth. Melt the other stick of butter and add to the mixture, mixing well. Spread this mixture evenly on top of the cake mix mixture.
Bake for 40-50 minutes in a 350-degree oven. Watch it carefully so that it does not burn. It will be light brown and "gooey" in the center when done.
Allow it to cool completely. Yes, I know firsthand the special agony that is caused by waiting for this cake to cool. As my mother used to say, "Good things come to those who wait." Besides, you won't look good with third-degree burns on your tongue. Lick the bowl and the beaters in the interim, if you must.
Cut them into squares and serve. According to Ms. Dean, this pan makes 20 to 24 squares, but you decide how many squares you want. I usually get 12 to 15 out of my pan.
Yes, I am generous. To a fault.
Now for the disclaimers. As in previous posts (the icing recipe in particular), please do not blame me for the blowing of your diet. I am merely here to pass along kernels of truth, pearls of wisdom, and an occasional story at my own expense. Eat at your own risk.
One of my favorite movies of all time is "Office Space," the Mike Judge-produced cult classic that is must-see for anyone who has ever worked in a cubicle farm. There are so many classic one-liners in this flick that I could spend half this post just talking about them.
In one scene, a large, red-headed female co-worker of Peter waltzes by his cube, and upon hearing him kvetch with one of his co-workers about how much he hates his job (and he has a slight point after being harassed by no less than six people that morning about his TPS Reports), she says in a schmaltzy low voice, "Somebody has a case of the Mondays."
Seeing as it is a Monday (and the Monday after Spring Break no less), I think I finally get the meaning of that quip. And I am positive that I'm having a case of the Mondays. So I've decided that, much like my friend Peter of "Office Space" fame, I would like to kvetch about some of the things that annoy me about life in general. These complaints are in no particular order whatsoever. Please, do feel free to join me in this "Monday miasma" by posting your own grumbles right along with mine. We can keep a running tally. And, feel free to post on days other than Monday, for instance, if you're having a case of "the Tuesdays," which often follow a Monday holiday.
1. Gilbert Godfrey. Every time that man opens his mouth, I want to punch his lights out. What an annoying voice!
2. People who do not use the turn indicators on their vehicles. Goddamnit people, those aren't Christmas lights. Will you please just give us a sign - any sign - about what the hell you're planning to do?
3. The woman on the Progressive Car Insurance commercials. She with her bouffant hairdo and bright red lipstick needs to quit peddling insurance for a day or two and get a makeover. Really.
4. The advertisement on Facebook for the tooth whitening product. It is a well-known fact that I have issues with teeth and seeing someone's yellowed nasty front snaggle-tooth every time I pull up my profile makes me want to puke. Get some whitening strips on that thing!
5. Perky morning people. I don't like mornings. People who are perky in the mornings make me wonder what meds they are on.
6. My daughter's incessant need to scream when things don't go her way. Listen, babe, I get you. But, life is about disappointment. Become acquainted with the concept.
7. Asshole attorneys. Two in particular. If you are an attorney and you happen to be reading this post on Facebook, this isn't about you, as you are my friend.
8. My husband's knack for opening a cabinet door with something sticky on his fingers, leaving the residue on the knob so that my finger sticks to it as well. As long as it's not a booger or snot material, we're fine, but of course, that's where my mind automatically flies!
9. Osama bin Laden. Where the hell is he and why hasn't someone taken him out yet? I know he's hiding in a cave somewhere, but we have bombs, people.
10. People who salt the tortilla chips at the Mexican restaurant before asking fellow diners if they want overwhelming amounts of sodium in their diet. Get your own basket of chips, you walking heart attack!
In a mere seven days, the entire world will celebrate a holiday: St. Patrick's Day...and my 40th birthday.
No one is more surprised that I will be 40 than I am. How did I get this old?
When I turned 10, I was all about having fun and I spent the next 10 years having a rip-roaring time. I saw the advent of MTV, Sweet Sixteen, learned to drive, graduated from high school, and went off to college, dreams in tow.
When I turned 20, I was still having fun and it seemed I had the world by the tail. I made some life-long friends, graduated from college, got my first job, got married, settled down, nested, and had my first child, just before I turned 30.
When I turned 30, I decided to grow up. I had a new baby, was growing into my career, moved to my dream home, changed careers, had another baby, lost my mother, and started writing a book.
And now, I face my 40s, wondering what will happen in the next 10 years. There's a school of thought that each person has a fate and it is inescapable. I don't agree. I believe you make your own destiny. Everything I have accomplished in my life began with a goal, visualization of myself achieving that goal, and hard work to make it so. It's the little steps and daily choices that get us where we want to go.
The things I want to accomplish in the next ten years include: (1) becoming healthy - more active and a healthy weight; (2) finishing my book and possibly getting it published; (3) going back to school; (4) helping my children achieve their goals - Jared will be 20 when I turn 50, Jade will be 14; and (5) learning to relax and not stress out so much over insignificant things.
On March 17, I will be eating corned beef and cabbage and enjoying a green beer. That's one of the good things about having your birthday on a major drinking holiday! If you partake of alcohol, lift your glass and join me in cheering another decade for Angela.
May it be the best ever!
